5 Tips for managing anger in the pandemic 2021 from a Psychologist.

Are your irritability levels skyrocketing? You are not alone.

Irritability levels are on the rise in the pandemic. Irritability turns into anger, which is something we all experience at one point, but at the moment, people are reporting a greater sense of agitation or ‘flying off the handle’. This in turn often fills us with guilt which becomes another negative emotion we have to navigate.

We experience irritation as an emotion but also as a physical sensation. Some might notice a ‘brewing’ feeling and for some, they only notice at the time of reaction. There are many causes that underline irritation including stress, depression, lack of sleep, hormones, etc.

One of the main reasons we are seeing a build-up of irritation at the moment is because we are:

1. You are low on resource – as the pandemic carries on, people’s resilience is starting to waiver and, in turn when hit with something that feels like an ‘overload’ to us (consciously and unconsciously), our tolerance level is lower and therefore we become irritated.

2. You do not have the same distractions that give us balance and perspective.

3. It is irritating – we have been living in a pandemic for a year now. We all are experiencing things in different ways and we each have our own story of how we are being impacted. We don’t know when it will end – it’s a frustrating scenario.

Getting irritated can have a detrimental impact on those around us, and also on ourselves when it turns into guilt. If this is a problem that is starting to have a significant impact on you or others in a harmful way you may want to think about therapy to help you.

Tips to manage anger:

1. Acknowledge

Knowledge is power. We want to acknowledge we are angry and the reasons why. We want to examine are there certain times of the day or situations that make us more irritated? How does our irritation manifest in us? Is it creeping up or you don’t know until you explode. Once you take a few moments to identify these things you can start to tackle them.

2. Connect

If your family is driving you nuts – connect with them. People are spending too much time co-existing in the same space without connecting. Remember what you like about each other. Create a list of the positives about the people that annoy you, focus on their values. Also create time to turn off the tv, have a conversation – play a game.

If it is not your family but a service you can’t access or work – do the same, list their values, and think of a way to connect – write a service a letter of thanks for all the good things they do. Think about the good things at work and find the appropriate person to verbalise that to. Connecting with others builds our resilience. Externalising the positive reduces our irritation.

3. Develop your alter ego

Here’s a fun one for those who like imagery:

We want to banish the negative feelings. No one wants to feel irritated or guilty. We tend to internalise our feelings if we externalise them into alter-ego’s we a) release the trapped internalised feelings and b) lighten the weight irritation causes

Example: Imagine yourself when you are irritated, or the last time you exploded – what did you look like? Did you have a ‘Trunchbull’ moment or did you have a ‘toddler’ moment? Imagine your irritation in a concept that feels relatable to you – by visually externalising and adding a comic element, it reduces the power the irritation has over you internally. Next time you feel irritation creeping up acknowledge your alter ego is in the room.

Next – imagine your positive alter ego – are you a barefoot surfer or a zen gardener? Imagine them coming up to your negative alter-ego and how their chilled vibes wash over your angry ones and ask them to leave.

4. Think about control

Two common errors people make with control are: Not having enough control and exerting too much.

When we are overwhelmed and feel everything is running away with us looking at areas of our life that we can take control over can help us feel more grounded. This can be as small as choosing what to wear or creating a schedule.

Some people take this to the other extreme and want to control everything from when the dishes are done or the mess kids make. This person, needs to test out not being in control of everything, asking themselves what's the worst that can happen? Pushing through those uncomfortable feelings of things being different from your idea.

Which one are you?

Where do you need to take control? Where can you let go of control?

Get help from others to address this: bring the relevant people in on this. If it’s family: have a schedule, make it a game, divide things. Make clear what’s important to each person and what isn’t – negotiate gently. If it’s work – speak to your manager and colleagues and see what wiggle room there is.

5. Release & Support

Don’t let it fester!!! Irritation builds up like tension and you need to find positive outlets. The suggestions above should help you do that. So should exercise, writing things down, fresh air, and mindfulness.

If you find yourself becoming overly irritated, exploding at others, unable to adjust your expectations you may need some professional support here is a guide to finding a therapist.

Read the new strategies for managing your mental health 2021 here to give you some other ideas here.