Fear of Being Difficult...Tips To Speak Up.

I see it entrenched in my patients, my friends, and also in myself. Fear to speak up for our needs, wants, and wishes as we do not want others to experience us being 'difficult'. Whether it is something at work, or at home, in our friendships or relationships we can often have layers of anxiety about asserting ourselves. We might rather hide under the covers than speak up.

Will my boss see me as difficult? Will my partner be put out? Will my friends still like me? Sometimes, we are so used to minimising our own needs that we do it without realising.

Whilst men can struggle with this, I see it most commonly within females. From very early childhood females learn they should take care of others and be good girls. We learn to look after our dolls and watch our mothers put the family's needs before her own. We watch this dynamic on TV and in our interactions outside of the family home.

Whilst this produces women with amazing qualities. I see even the most successful woman sometimes struggle to communicate their needs. There is a fear that if we ask for something that may be an inconvenience and we will be difficult. And, the world does not like difficult women. This can manifest as stress or anxiety internally.

It is my joy and privilege to see people learn to find their voice and dial down that fear of speaking out their needs.

Here are a few of ways you can start working on these things yourself:

1) Re-frame it.

If we express our needs we fear we will come across negatively, or inconvience someone. We are afraid people might view us in a negative light.

To re-frame it, we think what is an alternative view. How could someone who expresses their needs come across in a positive way?

Confident. Clear. A good communicator. Boundaried. Prepared. Human.

She sounds like someone I want to know. These are qualities that are beneficial in all types of relationships. To experience someone exhibiting those qualities is often a very positive experience.

2) Apply gratefulness.

There are people all around the world that do not get to speak up for themselves. That you can do so without risking your liberties is a privilege. We GET to ask for things. So use your voice.

3) Practice.

Practice what you are going to say and then test it out. Start with small examples with people you deem safe. See what happens. The more you start interacting with others in this way the more it will start to become natural.

4) Explore yourself.

Are there areas in your life where you can communicate your needs? For example, maybe you can set great boundaries with your friends but not at work or visa versa. What makes it possible to do that? What are the skills you use there? Now think how you can start to exhibit those skills in other areas in your life?

5. Get support.

Professional support can help you you to identify the aspects that are holding you back in this area. Support can help you dial down the fear that paralyses us and help us explore new and more helpful ways of being.

To start working on yourself today by contacting me here: https://www.drsheenakumar.com/contact