Supporting a Loved One with a Neurodiverse Child: A Psychologist’s Guide

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When someone close to you has a neurodiverse child, you may want to help but feel unsure how to do so. Whether the child is autistic, has ADHD, dyslexia, or another neurodivergent condition, the journey for parents can be overwhelming and full of emotions. As a loved one, your support can make a meaningful difference.

In this post, I’ll offer practical ways to help parents of neurodiverse children, helping them feel seen, supported, and empowered. 

1. Just be there

As with all children the more time you spend with them the more comfortable they are going to be with you. Meaning you will be able to help them and their parents more. It is key that you become comfortable with the language being used by the parents and child so you can code switch to use words, phrases and ideas a neurodiverse child recognises. By becoming familiar and comfortable with the activities and sometimes big feelings that neurodiverse children experience you will be showing your loved one that you are not afraid of neurodiversity and you are not going to abandon them or judge them when difficult moments happen - as they do in every family. 

2. Listen Without Judgment

One of the most important things you can do is listen with empathy. Parents of neurodiverse children often experience a range of emotions, including guilt, frustration, fear, and joy. They may feel judged by others or overwhelmed by well-meaning but unsolicited advice. Offer your full attention, validate their feelings, and try to avoid jumping in with solutions. Sometimes, just being there to listen is the greatest gift you can give.

Example: Instead of saying, "Have you tried X?" you could say, "That sounds really tough. I’m here if you ever need to talk or vent."

3. Educate Yourself About Neurodiversity

Taking the initiative to learn about neurodiversity shows that you care and helps you understand their experiences better. Read about their child’s diagnosis and familiarise yourself with terms such as sensory processing issues, meltdowns, executive dysfunction, or masking. This knowledge can help you avoid misconceptions and offer more thoughtful support.

When you learn about neurodiverse conditions, you’ll also understand that there’s no “one size fits all” approach. Every child—and every parent—will have unique needs.

4. Offer Practical Help

Parents of neurodiverse children often juggle therapy appointments, school meetings, and emotional support for their child, leaving little time for themselves. Offering specific, practical help can ease their burden.

Examples:

• Offer to watch the child for a couple of hours to give the parents a break.

• Prepare a meal or help with household tasks.

• Drive them to an appointment or run an errand.

Rather than saying, "Let me know if you need anything," try being specific: "Can I watch the kids Saturday afternoon so you can have some time to yourself?"

5. Support Without Pushing Solutions

It can be tempting to offer advice or solutions, especially if you’ve heard about certain therapies or strategies that have worked for others. While your intentions may be good, it’s important to recognize that parents are often already doing everything they can. Offering too many suggestions can feel overwhelming or even dismissive.

Instead, you might say, "I trust that you know what’s best for your child. How can I support you?" This approach reassures the parent that you respect their efforts and decisions.

6. Be Patient and Understanding

Living with a neurodiverse child means that plans may change suddenly due to meltdowns or sensory overload. Parents may cancel social events last minute, or their child may act in ways that others don’t understand. Be flexible and patient—this helps parents feel accepted rather than judged.

Try to avoid comparing their child to others or making comments like, "They’ll grow out of it" or "All kids do that." Instead, show your acceptance by focusing on what the child enjoys or excels at.

7. Celebrate the Wins—Big and Small

For parents of neurodiverse children, progress can look different. A small milestone—like trying a new food or attending a birthday party—can be a huge achievement. Celebrate these wins with them, no matter how small they seem to you. It reinforces their child’s growth and reminds parents that their efforts matter.

Final Thoughts

Being there for a loved one with a neurodiverse child is a meaningful way to show care and compassion. Your support, patience, and understanding can make their journey feel a little lighter. Remember that you don’t need to have all the answers—your presence and willingness to help are often more valuable than words.

With your empathy and thoughtful support, you can help create a circle of acceptance where both the child and their parents feel understood and uplifted.