Understanding Your Jealousy
- Dr Sheena Kumar
- Feb 5
- 2 min read
What is jealousy and how does it differ from envy?
Jealousy and envy are often confused, but they are distinct emotions with different roots. Jealousy typically arises in interpersonal dynamics, for example, when we fear losing someone or that someone is more likeable than us. Envy, on the other hand, is less about relationships and more directed to the longing for something external someone else has, like their success, possessions, or qualities. Both emotions can be intense, both stem from comparing ourselves to others and focusing on negative feelings that arise. Understanding this can help us manage both in more healthy ways.
Is Jealousy a personal trait or is it something we develop though childhood and/or life experiences?
Jealousy is not a personality trait in itself but a complex emotional response that can be shaped through our experience in life.However it is also an emotion that most people will experience at some point and some people are better equipped to deal with it than others. While some people may have a temperament that makes them more prone to jealousy, life experiences and childhood dynamics play a significant role. Early relationships, such as with caregivers or siblings, can influence how we perceive trust, insecurity, and competition. Over time, life events and relationships further shape how jealousy manifests and how we learn to manage it.
Are some of us more prone to jealousy than others?
Yes, some people are more prone to jealousy due to a combination of personality traits and life experiences. It is commonly accepted in psychology that people with personality traits such as neuroticism, lower agreeableness and lower openness are more prone to jealousy. Individuals with lower self-esteem or a greater fear of abandonment may be more vulnerable to feelings of jealousy. Biological factors, such as temperament, can also play a role in making some people more sensitive to perceived threats. However, the way jealousy is expressed often depends on how we've learned to manage emotions and navigate relationships.
Do you think social media has made us more jealous? (e.g. seeing friends with their ‘perfect’ lives)
Social media can amplify feelings of jealousy by exposing us to curated, idealized versions of others' lives. Constantly seeing friends’ achievements, relationships, or luxurious experiences can create unrealistic comparisons and a sense of inadequacy. This “highlight reel” effect can make us forget that what we see online is rarely the full picture. While jealousy is not new, social media has made it more immediate and pervasive in our daily lives.
Please describe three ways of controlling jealous thoughts. These can be a combination of practical and emotional changes or actions.
Controlling jealous thoughts starts with self-awareness—acknowledge the emotion without judgment and identify its triggers. Trying to share your feelings with a trusted and supportive person can help diffuse jealousy and build understanding to what is happening within you.
Practicing gratitude can shift focus from what you lack to what you value in your life and relationships.
Finally, building self-esteem, the more positive we feel about ourselves helps us navigate focusing on the negative feelings that arise when we naturally compare ourselves to others.
